What a thoughtful, moving piece, Kathryn. No wonder Jackson's death has made you reassess.
My own views on assisted dying shift – and keep shifting. I think of my previously fit and active aunt who had a devastating stroke in her eighties which left her unable to move or speak. She could still understand me, and I knew there were times when she wished she could finish it, not be left in this locked-in state. She lived for another two years and in the end simply stopped eating. But if assisted dying had been available, I don't know when that would have been appropriate or who would have made the decision.
My mother was in tremendous pain before she died and went through a phase of pleading with the nurses to give her enough morphine to kill her. But then the pain receded and she was in a much calmer and more accepting state of what will be, will be.
"What is the point?" is a good question. I asked myself that, after I had stillborn baby at full-term in 2000. I remember a dream where I took my place in a line of women who had lost babies and children that stretched back through all of humanity, and it stretched forward, too. It didn't answer my question but it helped me feel less alone.
Thanks for writing this heartfelt piece.
It's a beautiful picture of Jackson. I'm glad you're still able to continue your conversations with him in your own thoughts.
So much to think about here, Kate - and I particularly appreciate that that is what you do. Almost like thinking out loud around this most complex of subjects, rather than having a rigidly defined yes/no opinion. You really do have a seriously 'good mind'. It was also particularly interesting for me to read as the mother of an only child. It meant so much to me to have my siblings around through my mother's dying and death and it weighs on me that Peggy won't have that support. The 'thinking point' I'm going to take away from this, and suck on like a boiled sweet - is your idea of what is and isn't above our pay grade.
Thank you for writing this. Of course I remember your writing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your son with us. I have always been pro-Assisted Dying and still am but I appreciate your view.
Beautifully written Kate. For me it’s about having the choice, having watched far too many of my close friends and family go through the sometimes long, sometimes quick process of death, some going through a long and horrendous process and others who were peaceful and calm, it’s really is a personal choice, something most of us will contemplate when our own time comes. What made me decide to support assisted dying was a much loved ‘ex’ in excruciating agony (prostrate cancer which went into his spine), he had booked himself into Dignitas but was unable to get there due to Covid travel restrictions, he took himself off to a hotel, wrote a letter apologising to the person who would find him and another to the authorities stating it was his own decision, his family were not involved and no one had coerced him. He then ‘put himself to sleep’. All I could think of was what were his last thoughts and how lonely he must have been. It’s a choice and, I believe, we should all have the right to decide for ourselves. Sending you much love xx
What a thoughtful, moving piece, Kathryn. No wonder Jackson's death has made you reassess.
My own views on assisted dying shift – and keep shifting. I think of my previously fit and active aunt who had a devastating stroke in her eighties which left her unable to move or speak. She could still understand me, and I knew there were times when she wished she could finish it, not be left in this locked-in state. She lived for another two years and in the end simply stopped eating. But if assisted dying had been available, I don't know when that would have been appropriate or who would have made the decision.
My mother was in tremendous pain before she died and went through a phase of pleading with the nurses to give her enough morphine to kill her. But then the pain receded and she was in a much calmer and more accepting state of what will be, will be.
"What is the point?" is a good question. I asked myself that, after I had stillborn baby at full-term in 2000. I remember a dream where I took my place in a line of women who had lost babies and children that stretched back through all of humanity, and it stretched forward, too. It didn't answer my question but it helped me feel less alone.
Thanks for writing this heartfelt piece.
It's a beautiful picture of Jackson. I'm glad you're still able to continue your conversations with him in your own thoughts.
Thank you, Wendy
Extraordinarily beautiful post xxx
Thank you, Jaci x
Thank you for writing this, and about how you changed your mind. You’ve got me thinking now.
Much appreciated - thank you
I love your writing in this article.
The shock came for me when half way through your mention your own son’s death .
This was the moment when you must have know your life had changed forever
It was one thing reading about your dad getting old and cranky, but to throw in this curve ball was astonishingly brave and shocking .
I have had a similar experience when my 16 year old son died suddenly (it wasn’t suicide)
I wrote about it.
My dad died seven months later
I wished it could have been the other way around
The hardest thing I ever had to do was to tell him
I’m so very sorry to hear this. Love & strength to you, Anita 💛
Thank you Kate There is an interesting outcome for this story
Four years later on the same day, August 5th
I gave birth to another boy - my fifth son.
So much to think about here, Kate - and I particularly appreciate that that is what you do. Almost like thinking out loud around this most complex of subjects, rather than having a rigidly defined yes/no opinion. You really do have a seriously 'good mind'. It was also particularly interesting for me to read as the mother of an only child. It meant so much to me to have my siblings around through my mother's dying and death and it weighs on me that Peggy won't have that support. The 'thinking point' I'm going to take away from this, and suck on like a boiled sweet - is your idea of what is and isn't above our pay grade.
I appreciate this enormously, Maggie. Thank you so much x
I have thought about you many times Kathryn. This is a wonderful piece. Sending you much love.
Thank you
Thank you for writing this. Of course I remember your writing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your son with us. I have always been pro-Assisted Dying and still am but I appreciate your view.
Thank you, Rose. As (I hope!) I make clear, I am pro the Assisted Dying Bill and I hope it becomes law. I just won’t be taking advantage of it.
Beautifully written Kate. For me it’s about having the choice, having watched far too many of my close friends and family go through the sometimes long, sometimes quick process of death, some going through a long and horrendous process and others who were peaceful and calm, it’s really is a personal choice, something most of us will contemplate when our own time comes. What made me decide to support assisted dying was a much loved ‘ex’ in excruciating agony (prostrate cancer which went into his spine), he had booked himself into Dignitas but was unable to get there due to Covid travel restrictions, he took himself off to a hotel, wrote a letter apologising to the person who would find him and another to the authorities stating it was his own decision, his family were not involved and no one had coerced him. He then ‘put himself to sleep’. All I could think of was what were his last thoughts and how lonely he must have been. It’s a choice and, I believe, we should all have the right to decide for ourselves. Sending you much love xx
Thank you, Caroline x